Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
