ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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