I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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