her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
