i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
