closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
