Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
