let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
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