I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
