Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
