I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
