I'm laying in your front yard are you home
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Little spoons don't ask big questions
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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