Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize