Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
