i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
