cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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