based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
