We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
