Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
