i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
