you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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