I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
