due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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