You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
