Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
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