He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Randomize
