I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
