How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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