shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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