Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
