but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
