U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
