I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
