sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I just gift wrapped bread.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
