last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
