I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
