What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
