i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
We left an ass print on the piano.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
