I accidentally burped into my bong.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
