Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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