Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
