quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
