And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
