Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
