Got a toothbrush?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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