mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
