i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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