dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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