Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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