I'm jealous of your bromance
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
birth control should be required to get into college
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
