i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
