i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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