just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
