Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize