i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
