I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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