Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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