I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Randomize
