it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
