Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
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