the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
ok first of all what the fuck
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
