I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You were trust falling into bushes
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
