bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
