I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
