Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Randomize
