mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
