She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
