I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Someone shit on the floor
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
