you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Randomize