I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
the condom got lost in my hair
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
