so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Randomize
