and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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