I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
