All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
