my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
