I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
