whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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