Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize