The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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