apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
