I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Randomize