Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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