Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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