I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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