there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
