toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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