please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
We talked him into tasing himself.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
