I accidentally burped into my bong.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
