Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
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