I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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