I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
