Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
