check it out our google latitudes are spooning
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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