I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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