The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
