Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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