That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
