your thong is hanging out like whoa
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
