My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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