I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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