i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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