I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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