Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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