It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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