even my farts smell like vagina
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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