I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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