We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
be right there i have to get my cape
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
