i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
