I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Im part way to drunk.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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