friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize