I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
