I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I need to align my fucking chakras
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
