the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
What happened to fro yo and sex?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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