Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
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