I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
