Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
